


Songs for Calum

by wastelandcth



Series: for Calum [1]
Category: 5 Seconds of Summer (Band)
Genre: Angst, Fluff, its sad sometimes but sometimes its happy, just songs and calum, songs for calum
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-03-05
Updated: 2021-03-06
Packaged: 2021-03-19 00:08:35
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 10,763
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29866161
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wastelandcth/pseuds/wastelandcth
Summary: A collection of song requests, where Calum's life seems like a song stuck in some journal for the world to maybe hear.
Relationships: Calum Hood/Original Character(s), Calum Hood/Original Female Character(s), Calum Hood/You
Series: for Calum [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2195769
Kudos: 1





	1. You Ruined My Favorite Band

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Based off a tiktok I saw.

A year. It had been one year since Calum had left your apartment on a rainy night and you hadn’t seen him since. One year of trying to figure out exactly who you were without him and how you ever managed to be without him. One year of listening to the same songs you’d listen to with him and try not to cry your eyes out. It had been one year of being sick and tired of thinking of Calum. Thinking about how he’d wake up too late for breakfast or how he hated alarms every time hers went off. Tired of thinking about how he was off traveling the world and being happy while you laid in your own self-pity and cried most nights. 

But one year and one day later, you felt something change. Maybe it was the fact that you were sitting on a hill at the park you both loved and you felt nothing but the sun shining on your skin. Maybe it was the ice-cold lemonade in your hand that made you feel like a summer movie. The way the birds chirped and the people who walked past made you smile, a real smile which you felt hadn’t happened in a long time. So you packed up your bag, the lemonade was long forgotten as you made your way out of the park and strolled through the streets that seemed so full of life, full of love, and full of new happiness. Making it back home that night, your arms holding bags full of cleaning supplies and a new start, you cleaned out the apartment, getting rid of the memories that you’d lived with for the past two years and one day. 

One year and one week later, you found yourself driving down the coast, your windows down as the fresh sea breeze entered the car as you sang along to a song about being open and happy. The sun was shining through your windshield and you had never felt more alive than at that moment. The calm ocean waves and notes of the song you were listening to felt like you were dreaming, that maybe after two years of hell you were finally you again. Parking the car at an overlook, you sat on the hood and watched the waves rise and fall with a crash, a crash so loud it blocked out the reminders of him that seemed to be present no matter where you went. But with the sea breeze hitting your skin and the sun hitting the waves, you’d never felt better. 

One year and six months later, you were moving out of your apartment. Your small car packed to the bring with what was you now. It was no longer broken memories and promises, it was hope for a new future and happiness. It was yellow curtains that shone like the sunlight. It was too many plants you weren’t sure how you’d gotten into the passenger seat. It was pulling out of the driveway and feeling like a piece of you was left behind in an apartment where kisses were shared and promises were broken. But as the apartment building got smaller in your rearview mirror, the heaviness in your heart grew lighter and the colors of the world turned brighter. 

One year and nine months later, you were dancing around your apartment, socks sliding against the hardwood floors as you cleaned on a sunny afternoon. It had been a day of dancing and singing and you couldn’t help but feel happy. The music in the apartment was happy and loud and everything felt right. You felt like you again felt like the one who you were meant to be. Sitting out on your balcony that night, a joint in between your fingers, you felt lighter than you had in the last year and nine months. Life was good and you were good, the small barks coming from the neighbor’s dog making you laugh as you watched the sunset and thought about the future and how excited you were to continue being you.

Two years later, you were sat on your bed, feeling numb as you listened to the album you hadn’t picked up in two years. He had called you the night before, his words slurred and his mind fuzzy as he spilled his heart to you. You had listened to him, your heart aching as you listened to him talk about how he hadn’t been the same since he’d left two years ago. You missed his voice, missed the way his accent made certain words sound funny. You missed his lisp and the way you could imagine him sat on his couch, his hand swiping across the nose you had loved to kiss in the morning. You missed when he would sing to you, whether it was one of his songs or a song from a band you loved. You could barely listen to those songs now, even with your new life, every time you heard them it caused the feelings to rush back. But you were a different person now, you were happy and you were new. You were sunshine and plants and the ocean waves that crashed against the surf. You didn’t need Calum anymore, you had grieved the loss of his love, the loss of him as he walked out of that apartment you had left months ago. You didn’t need him calling you to bring back those feelings, to bring back how helpless you had felt all those months ago. 

Two years and one day later, you were sat on the bathroom floor, holding a guitar that felt unfamiliar in your arms. The sunset shone in through the window as you strummed a few chords. You were wearing his hoodie, the only possession of his that you couldn’t bring yourself to throw away. He’d let you wear it on your first date when the rain had caught both of you by surprise at the beach and insisted you keep it that night when he drove you home. Your fingers shook as you glanced at the phone on the floor in front of you, your voice echoed against the wall as you sang. It was something he had taught you, to sing out your feelings and you weren’t sure what possessed you to post it for the world to see. That night after the world had seen you pour out your heart and you had blocked his number. Two years and one day later, you finally felt complete. 

“You ruined The 1975 now I listen and think about getting high in your bedroom, windows open. Mom is home but we’re still smoking. You ruined The1975 now I listen and cry cause you sang ‘we share friends in SoHo’ while you told me that none of your friends know. And I hated you for that but it's been two years now and I really just hate you for making me hate my favorite band.”


	2. Love Somebody

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Based on Love Somebody by Lauv.

Calum’s hands were shaking when he walked onto the stage. He wasn’t nervous about the show, the large crowds didn’t bother him anymore. He hadn’t been nervous for a show in years, no, his hands were shaking because he didn’t know what he would be walking off stage too. He didn’t know if she’d still be there after the show. His mind was busy running over endless scenarios as the show started, the only reminder that he was on stage as he went on autopilot was the vibrations of the drums on his feet. Even during his speech before he sang Amnesia, his mind felt like it was miles away in Los Angeles with her. 

It had been a stupid fight, something that had just snapped and before he knew it, he was spewing meaningless insults at her. She wanted more from him and he knew he was capable of giving her everything she wanted and more. Hell, Calum would give her the moon if it was possible. But he always did this, he pushed people away whenever they got too close to him. So he snapped, he reminded her that she was the one who had hesitated with their relationship in the first place, that she was the one to blame for the distance that was currently between them. By the time he realized the words that had left him, she had already hung up their facetime call. He tried calling her back, but before she could answer, which Calum hoped she would’ve, he was being dragged towards the stage to start the show. 

Calum had met her after one of their Friends of Friends shows. She had been hanging out by the bar talking to one of her friends which had finished performing a while ago, both of them laughing and chatting over the loud music playing around them. She had introduced herself and had complimented his leather jacket, giving him props for being able to wear it inside the stuffy club and still look so good. If Calum hadn’t been so busy the rest of the night, hosting and playing the band, he might’ve caught the way she kept stealing glances at him throughout the show. And if she hadn’t been so busy nursing the strong drink her friend had gotten her, she would’ve realized that Calum had been searching for her in the crowd until the club was empty and he was walking out onto the empty streets. He didn’t expect himself to end up at the food truck a few blocks away, but it was funny how fate worked because the second he saw her standing in line their eyes met. They exchanged numbers that night and a few weeks later Calum stood at her doorstep, asking her to take the next step and be something more than just friends.

She had been hesitant, telling him that it was something she would have to think about. She had her heart broken many times before and she wasn’t sure getting into a relationship with Calum was something she could handle. He had respected her decision, telling her to take her time to think about them and that if she just wanted to be friends, Calum was more than happy to oblige. A few days later, she had shown up at his doorstep in the middle of the night, his hair was messy from sleep and his tired eyes widened as she pulled him into a kiss under the moon. Calum swore it was the best kiss he’d ever had, it made him feel like he was on cloud nine, and every time they kissed afterward, he still felt the same. 

Standing on stage in front of thousands of people had always been something that brought Calum joy, it was the dream and he was living it out every night. But tonight was different, tonight Calum looked out onto the crowd and he couldn’t help the heaviness in his heart. He missed her and he had a feeling that he had ruined a good thing over nothing. Maybe it was too good to be true, maybe the fact that he was finally happy and in love with someone was too good for the universe to believe in so he had to open his big mouth and ruin it. He was going to get home from tour next week and be met with an empty house and he’d sleep in an empty bed. 

Panic set into his heart as he thought about her leaving. His hands started to shake again, his mind no longer on autopilot as he heard Luke talking about Ghost of You. His mind was suddenly aware of all the people watching him. He stepped closer to the mic as his solo neared. He’d never had a hard time connected with the songs they sang every night. He’d helped write them, so it wasn’t hard for him to relate to them. But tonight, Calum’s throat felt tight as he sang out the words. He was on stage living his dream and all he wanted to know was if she was at home with tears running down her cheeks as she packed a bag to leave him. It was hard for him or anyone else to ignore the tears that ran down his cheeks as he sang or how his voice cracked when he sang out his feelings on stage ‘too dumb to know things like love’. Even as he closed his eyes and leaned his head back, listening to Luke play the final notes on the piano, Calum couldn’t help but let out a shaky breath and step off the stage to take a quick breather. He was grateful that the guys didn’t mention him stepping off, even more, grateful when they stalled the crowd so he could control his tears. 

The rest of the concert was a blur to him, his body-switching back onto autopilot and before he knew it, he was playing along to the last song of the night. He was anxious to get off of the stage, to run back to the dressing room and check his phone, to try and stop whatever doomed relationship he’d caused. So as the lights turned out on stage, he ran off the second the tech had his bass in his hands. Sweat was running down his body as he entered the room, his eyes landing on his Duke phone case, he wasn’t sure if he was even prepared to open his phone, to start a conversation he wasn’t sure he could have over the phone. He also didn’t know if he was prepared to see her face with tears running down her cheeks. But he also couldn’t wait to talk to her, to apologize for being an idiot and pushing her away. Calum picked up the phone and chills ran down his body. Her name had popped up, a missed call, and a few text messages from her. With a shaky finger, Calum unlocked his phone and clicked on the message, a small laugh leaving his body as his nerves left him. It was a simple message, but it flooded him with relief and Calum didn’t realize his body was so tense until he leaned against the counter and rubbed his face. I love you. All he wanted was to love her, to cherish her, and make her the happiest she could be. It’s all she ever made Calum feel and he wanted to do everything to make her feel the same. Rereading the text message from her, Calum took a deep breath and clicked her number, waiting for her to answer so he could say the words he had been thinking on stage all night. 

“I hurt you and I’m sorry. But all I want is to love you."


	3. Body

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Calum is feeling bad about himself and a love language shines through. Based on Body by Julia Michaels.

Twitter had always been a toxic place for Calum. It was sexual comments about his body and comments about who he was. It was people bringing up the past that brought him nothing but embarrassment and pain. It was people reminding him of every mistake he’d ever made and every mistake he would make. Calum just really hated Twitter. He saw people talking about the pictures he’d post, picking out every single one of his insecurities and laughing at him. It wasn’t until he felt someone’s eyes on him that he looked up from the phone screen that he’d been staring at for far too long. 

She’d been standing at the corner of the bar, talking with friends that seemed to be too busy with other conversations. His eyes met hers in the darkness of the bar, a small smile appearing on her face as she took a sip of the drink before walking off to the dance floor. Her hips moved along to the beat, pulling Calum onto the dance floor in what seemed like a trance. Before even Calum himself knew what was going on, his hands were on her waist and they were dancing the night away, laughing along to their drunken stumbles as they made their way out of the bar and into an Uber. 

Ever since that night, when Calum had been feeling too down about himself he decided to go out for drinks, they’d been inseparable. A night that ended with Calum and her in his living room, laughing over the videos on her phone of the adventures she’d gotten up to on her latest family vacations. Calum got used to inviting her over for movie nights and lunch dates, even just to run errands together. Whenever he was with her, all the negative thoughts in his head seemed to disappear. All the hateful comments that ever seemed to disappear were suddenly gone and replaced by how much he liked the way her hand felt in his as he drove to the grocery store.

Calum had been having a bad day, he’d woken up to find pictures of himself that weren’t so pleasing, fans online were commenting and making jokes about him and his body. He’d decided to have a day to himself, ignoring the messages on his phone from his friends and family. He’d been laying in bed for what seemed like the sixth hour in a row, watching yet another episode of Futurama, when the doorbell rang. He’d almost debated ignoring the door altogether but then his phone went off, her picture showing up on his phone screen. It had been a picture he’d taken by mistake when they’d met that first night at the bar, her hair was frizzy from the rain and she had mascara running down her cheeks from laughing so hard she’d cried. 

“Hey Dove, are you home? I’m outside.” her voice rang into his ear, making Calum smile for the first time that day. 

He found himself slipping out of bed, tugging on some sweatpants that he’d found lying near the door, and walking out of his room towards his front door. 

“I would’ve thought a handsome fella like you wouldn’t have let those young girls get to him. That he’d known he was perfect in every single way.” her soft voice said as Calum opened the door, her eyes trailing down his body. He was wearing sweatpants that seemed to be in need of laundry day and a green hoodie that always seemed to bring him comfort on his bad days. 

“Told you it was a bad idea to go out last night. Now I’m hungover and insecure.” Calum whined, “I’m going to proceed to lay in bed and watch tv. I don’t care, it’s what I’m meant to do for the rest of my life. Be a castaway with no friends and become a hermit.” he shrugged. 

“Dove, we both know that’s bullshit. I don’t understand why you talk about yourself like that.” she sighed and shook her head, “You’re amazing, I know we all have bad days and you’re going through one right now but we are going to get you through this.” she said in her soft voice that Calum loved so much and held up the bags she’d been carrying. 

She’d followed Calum inside, walking into the kitchen where she knew he’d most likely have no food or treats to make himself feel better. When she set the bag full of goodies down on his kitchen counter, she started sorting through everything. Inside she showed Calum the bags of chips that he loved along with cookies and sweet treats to not only treat their hangovers but to make Calum feel better. After sorting and putting away a few essential groceries items that Calum had nowhere in sight, she turned her attention back to the somber man whose forehead was against the kitchen counter. 

She’d never understood why Calum had always been one to focus on all the negative drama his so-called fans seemed to create every week, but she knew how deeply it hurt him to read all the bad comments they’d leave about him and his lifestyle. This wasn’t the first time she had been there to try and console him, trying her best to cheer up the man who she’d seen across the bar so many months ago. But she knew that with a little love and some caring touches, Calum would be back to his smiley self in no time. 

They’d had lunch, after much deliberation between a pasta recipe she’d seen on Facebook the night before and Calum’s leftover tofu scramble, and now they were laying in each other’s arms watching reruns of Unsolved Mysteries. Calum felt loved, although they still had never mentioned those three little words to one another, Calum felt it in her actions and he hoped she could see it in his actions too. He felt loved when she hugged him extra tight on the nights she would leave early, felt it when she would call him after work to tell him all about her day, and he felt it on days like today when she showed up unannounced and knew exactly what he needed. He was busy, too lost in his thoughts, that he didn’t notice the commercials playing not until he felt her lips on his cheeks. He turned his head, looking at her in awe, the way her eyes met his, and all he could feel was love. How Calum could be lucky enough to have her in his life, he had no idea. But that one thing he did know was that he loved kissing her in between the commercials, he could kiss her until he felt alright.


	4. Exile

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Calum's breakup feels like a movie he's seen before. Based on Exile by Taylor Swift.

Calum had seen a lot of romantic movies in his time of being with her. He’d seen the classics where the two lovers end up together after thousands of struggles. He’d seen the ones where the two lovers ended up away from one another. Calum had even seen the ones where their love just wasn’t enough to keep them together. He just never imagined his life would be turning into one of those, especially not the last one. 

He’d been at the same party as her, something he wished he would’ve known because there’d be no way in hell that he would’ve showed up to see her in his arm laughing at the joke he’d read online months ago. He’d been fine with her being there, he was an adult and could handle seeing an ex at a party. He thought he was fine until he saw her run over to a guy he’d never seen before and hug him like he was the only person on planet Earth. 

Calum’s heart felt like it had been sucker-punched, he felt like he was frozen in time and that it was only five minutes ago that she’d walked out on the life they’d created in their small apartment hidden in the busy city. Now all he could do was watch her kiss some guy he’d never seen before while he held all their love on his wrist in black ink. 

Calum was not okay. He hadn’t been okay ever since that party. He’d gone home shortly after seeing them, making up an excuse about how Duke needed to go on a walk, and then he was out the door and racing home to try and stop the tears from falling down his cheeks. He felt like his life had become a movie ever since she’d walked out of that apartment. He felt like every day was just a montage of getting up and going through the same motions day after day. He walked through his half-empty apartment and tried to find himself as his friends, family, and his loved ones kept on moving and left him stuck in a movie scene he’d seen before. 

She’d missed seeing Calum’s smile. She missed the way his eyes scrunched up and the way that his laugh was too loud and how he tried to cover it up with his hand over his mouth. She felt the way his brown eyes followed her across the backyard and the way that not even the loud music could block out the gasp that fell from his lips. She could feel his eyes on her when she was in the arms of another and the way his body tensed when she pressed her lips to another cheek. Even when she hugged him and Calum’s fists clenched and his eyes narrowed. 

She’d planned to talk to him, using a drink refill as an excuse to find Calum and talk to him. She’d walked into the kitchen and looked around, looking for a bob of blonde curls that she’d seen walk in a few minutes ago. She spotted him, halfway out the door as he looked back into the house, his red eyes landing on hers before he quickly shut the door behind him and left her alone. 

“I just…I can’t do this anymore, Calum! I’m not some random girl from the bar who is just waiting for a callback! You’re an adult you can handle yourself as you so clearly stated!” Her breathing was uneven now, her hands running through her hair as she tried to make sense of where she was and why she’d been fighting with the man she loved in the first place, “You’re just so afraid of falling into a love that you’re willing to destroy what we have. I’m not going to stand here and let you slowly rip my heart out, I-I can’t let you do that." 

She’d been reliving that moment ever since she’d seen him at that party. She’d laid in her bathtub, staring at the ceiling as she tried to think over every mistake she had made since that night. That night as she walked out of his life and left him in that tiny apartment with nothing but the tears on the floor and the small dog barking. 

"You know that I love you. You know that I would do everything to make you happy. You’re my everything before you I just…I didn’t even know I could love as much as I love you. A-and you’re going to just throw it all away? Why? Because you’re scared of loving me?” Calum’s voice had never been one to falter. That was one thing she had always admired about him, he always spoke with confidence and honor, never once lying to her because that’s what their relationship had been. It was trust and love and truth. And she was the one who got scared and threw it away. 

She’d walked out of Calum’s life four years ago. She walked out and Calum had to try and pick up the pieces and become whole again. He’d walked out of the party two years ago, thinking that his life was never going to stop replaying in front of his own eyes. It had been one year since he moved into his house with a suitcase and Duke running behind him while he carried in boxes of musical equipment. It had been a year and six months when he’d finally stopped thinking about her. When he finally felt free and could breathe in the fresh air in whatever city his life had brought him to that day. When he could finally see happy couples walking around hand in hand and not imagine himself being with her like in the beginning. It had taken her three days to get her things from the apartment and it had taken Calum longer to get rid of her ghost that seemed to linger in his life, for the little things he saw every day to stop reminding him of her. 

Calum had bought a ring a week before she’d left. He’d hidden it in the sock drawer next to his bed and prayed that she never looked in there to find a pair of warm socks to wear during the chilly October nights they shared. A few weeks after she’d left and Calum had hit the bottom of his sock drawer, the little black box stared up at him as if to mock him. The ring inside had been a testament to Calum’s love for her, a way to show her that he wanted more, that he wanted their souls to love one another even after the Earth had crumbled and everyone had been forgotten. 

Calum thought he knew what she’d been thinking, that he could easily read her and tell when things weren’t going okay. Thinking back on it, Calum had seen the signs but he was too in love to even try and acknowledge them. She’d get home late, usually without warning, and in the early hours of the morning when Calum was lost in a dream world. She’d taken up more hours at her job, explaining to Calum that she’d been working on a super important project that needed more of her attention. Calum should’ve realized she was pushing him away, preparing him for a life without her in it. He should’ve known that when he got used to sleeping in bed by himself again when he started going out without her more often and the guys stopped questioning where she was, he should’ve known when he felt completely normal being on his own again after months of heartbreak. 

The scent of coffee and the chilly air coming in from the front door that opened brought her back from her thoughts brought her back to the cafe where life seemed to be bustling around her. Her coffee was still steaming from the reusable cup she’d bring anytime she needed a break from the stuffy office where printers and phone lines crowded her mind. The trees outside were moving with the wind, swaying like colorful dancers in the sky, and she was once again pulled from her own thoughts of dancing and the chilly air when she heard the barista call out a name she hadn’t heard in almost two years. 

Watching Calum laugh warmed her heart, she missed the sound of his laugh and even if she hadn’t been the one who was responsible for it anymore, she was grateful to be able to hear it once more. She watched him from where she sat near the back of the cafe, her eyes following him as he walked up to the counter and took his order off the counter. He looked good, his brown curls were covered up in a bucket hat but his smile lit up the entire cafe. He was dressed for the weather, dark jeans, and a dark yellow sweater that seemed to bring back too many memories of fall mornings together and reminding her that he always wore warm clothing since he usually ran cold. She could’ve stayed there all day and watch him if she could, but the notification on her phone informed her that she would be late for her meeting if she didn’t leave soon. So with one more look at the man she had let go of, she stood and walked out the side door, a ping in her heart as she remembered when that smile from the man with the brown eyes was for her.


	5. Voicemail

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Calum's tired of hearing his calls go straight to voicemail. Based on Ahora Te Puedes Marchar by Luis Miguel.

Calum was sick of hearing her voicemail message. It’s all he had heard when he tried calling her for the past three weeks. At first, he had blamed it on the distance, he’d been away on tour for the past three months and time zones were difficult to navigate at times, but at least he had tried to call and talk with her. She’d simply said goodbye to him at their airport and had proceeded to act as if she’d never met Calum before. 

It had been three months of Calum sending her pictures of his travels and sending updates about where they were, what they were doing, and that he missed her. It had also been three months of silence, of not knowing where she was or what she was going. For all Calum knew, she had disappeared off the face of the Earth and was never coming back. They’d been in Paris when Ashton finally convinced him to call her and put an end to whatever game she was playing. That was two months and one week ago, now Calum was sick of hearing the voice mail message he’d almost memorized from hearing it for the past week. 

“Hi! Sorry I couldn’t get to the phone in time! I’m probably super busy but I’ll give you a call back as soon as I can! Bye! I love you!" 

Calum’s jaw clenched as he heard the all familiar beep of her answering machine, a sigh leaving him before he hung up and set his phone down on the couch of the green room in whatever country he was in that day. He was out the door before even Ash could come and get him this time, his daily ritual of calling her with the hopes that she would answer and tell him that she’d been far too busy and something else that would make everything okay. But with every voicemail message he left, Calum felt his love slipping farther and farther away from her. 

Calum remembers when he first fell in love with her. They’d been seeing each other for around eight months, dates filled with sweet kisses, and looking up at the stars. It had been the best eight months of Calum’s life, he had never felt so free and so happy than in those eight months of being with her. 

They’d been at the beach cafe he had first met her at, she’d been telling him a story about her family vacation where she had ended up on the beach alone and too drunk to remember where her hotel room was. She was halfway through her story when Calum’s mouth opened and the words escaped him before his brain could even stop him. 

She was the woman of Calum’s dreams and he wasn’t going to let his fear of love stop him from having something he could cherish with her. He would walk through hell and back for her and he was willing to throw caution to the wind ready for whatever love had planned for him. 

Tour buses were a safe haven for Calum. He was away from the screaming crowds and the fans that always seemed to want to pry into his life. He was alone in his bunk, the darkness that enveloped him, and his mind helped him shut off the memories of her and how his heart felt like it was breaking one day at a time. After much begging and giving Ashton a promise that he was okay, he was alone on a tour bus his mind empty as he closed his eyes and tried to let the hum of the engine lull him back to sleep. 

Lately, Calum’s dreams had consisted of a voicemail message, and the last time he had seen her, wrapped in one of his hoodies with tear-stained cheeks. He kept hearing her voice, echoing in his mind, telling him to be back soon and to bring her snacks. When he woke up, Calum felt like his eyeballs were going to explode, the pounding headache he’d gotten before he was on the bus still present. He was sick of having those stupid dreams of her voice and her smile and he was sick of thinking about her every day. So the only thing he could think of was to call her one last time. 

"It’s me again, I know you’re probably sick of hearing me. You’re probably sick of me telling you that I’m sorry for doing something wrong that I don’t even know what it is. I just, I called to say goodbye. I’m guessing that’s what you meant when we talked last, that goodbye meant you didn’t want to hear me anymore. I loved you when I left, I loved you when you didn’t answer my phone calls, I loved you when you started posting on Twitter about your family vacation again. I loved you when I saw that picture of both of you at the beach, kissing. I loved you, I pushed through my fears and let go of myself for you. And now I lost everything because of something that you won’t explain to me. I gave you my heart, I gave you my soul and you threw it away like it was nothing. Shut me out and pretended that I never cared about you and…But I know I’m done now, I know that you didn’t know how to love me so now you can leave and I can leave and we don’t have anything else to talk about. So I guess this is goodbye, have a nice life, I hope he makes you happier than I ever could." 

Three years ago Calum would’ve never imagined he’d be sitting at the same beachside cafe where he’d given his heart away. Three years ago Calum was on a tour bus numb to the world as the voicemail message hurt his ear and his brain. But things were different now, he was no longer crying himself to sleep. His heart didn’t feel like it would break in half whenever he drove past the cafe. Especially today, when he had walked in holding her hand and sighed in relief when the entire place didn’t explode. It wasn’t until he heard the barista call out a familiar name and his entire body tensed up.

Calum was in a bad place when he met her. He’d been locked in Ashton’s guest room for six months before he even decided that going out to the grocery store would be a nice chance for fresh air. Being on the road for almost a year and then coming home to LA where all the memories of her were still in his house was not something he had prepared himself to handle. Two days into being back home, Calum found himself with a packed bag and Duke in his arms at Ashton’s front door. He had laid down in the guest bedroom that day and had never gotten back up. 

"Do you think vanilla or regular oat milk would be better for banana bread?” she asked him while holding up to cartons of oat milk. 

Calum was in love with her smile since the first time he saw it. He doesn’t even remember what answer he gave her, just remembers that he looked at her for way too long and probably freaked her out. But he somehow ended up with her phone number and before he knew it he was kissing her during the middle of a crappy superhero movie he really regretted suggesting they watch. 

When Calum saw her for the first time in three years, he felt like he was going to explode with anger. She looked like she had the day Calum saw her last. She still had the same long hair she always complained about, still wore the gold hoop earrings that he had gotten her for her birthday, and she was still wearing that damn hoodie. 

His fists were clenched so tightly that his knuckles were white and it took everything in Calum’s power to not walk over to her and tell her everything he’d been through since she’d left him. He watched as she paid for her drink and walked out of the coffee shop without noticing him. But with a deep breath and his coffee in his hand, Calum walked out to his car and drove off. She might’ve changed overnight, but it had taken Calum years to change and now that he had, he wasn’t going to let his past ruin a good day. 

The text message notification had been on his home screen for three hours. He’d been staring at it every five minutes for the past three hours. He hated seeing it on his screen, hated that she thought she could just text him after three years of radio silence, and expect him to answer. His hands had stopped shaking an hour after he’d gotten the text message but every time he read it over, the anger built in his chest and he had to pace around his living room and groan out loud before he managed to sit back down and start the cycle all over again. 

“You look good. I like the blonde curls. We should meet up, talk about us? I miss you." 

He couldn’t help but roll his eyes, three years of radio silence and all he got was a compliment and a proposition to meet up again. His fingers moved faster than ever before as he typed out his reply, all the anger, and resentment of the past three years falling off his shoulders in a matter of seconds. He hadn’t even noticed when his fingers had stopped moving, his heart was racing and his breathing was uneven. His eyes scanned over the paragraph that he’d seemingly been holding in his chest for the last couple of years and with a simple tap, it was gone. 

Calum really loved his girlfriend. He loved the fact that after he deleted and blocked the phone number he had hoped to get a notification from for so long, his girlfriend showed up with his favorite Italian food and a bottle of wine. He loved that she held him close while they watched reruns of The Simpsons and she ran her hands through his curls. He loved that she was willing to cancel their date night and just hold him close because it meant that he found someone who loved him just the same.


	6. Be Kind

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Loving Calum is a lot of things, like windy days at the beach. Based on Be Kind by Hasey and Marshmallow.

Loving Calum had been something new. It was falling in love with the unknown and diving headfirst. Falling in love with Calum felt like all the bad things in life disappeared and all that was left was him. It was him and the way his smile seemed to light up the room. It was the way his laugh echoed through your soul and warmed you from the inside out. Loving Calum felt familiar and like a rush of adrenaline all at once, like driving down an empty highway with the windows down while screaming out the words to your favorite song.

Calum wasn’t who most people thought he was. He was a soft and quiet soul, one who could speak a few words and leave you breathless. He was spontaneous even when his thoughts ran through his mind at lightspeed and it seemed like he’d been lost for far too long inside of himself. It wasn’t his fault, years of fame and rumors about him made him hide away from most people, made him build up the walls around himself to heal the bruises that had been left behind by mistakes.

The first time you saw him breakdown was when you two were driving down to the beach. He had called you and asked if you were busy, that he’d had a rough day and needed to get his mind off of things. He looked different when you got into the car outside of your apartment, looked like his fingers were bruised from the strings on his bass and his face tired from the fake smile he had worn all day. He didn’t look like the Calum you had become used to seeing most day, the bright eyes and shiny smile replaced by a stone-cold face and dull brown eyes.

The beach was usually a happy place for you both, a place to unwind and take in the warm sun. The day had started off like any other day in California, a cloudy morning sky that seemed to disappear as the city went into motion and woke up. Calum had been at the studio since before you’d woken up, his mind too occupied to send his daily good morning message to you. By midday, when you were working on lunch for yourself, the clouds had returned to the sky and seemed to darken up, almost as if the Earth itself could tell that something was off. As the beach got closer and closer, Calum grew silent and the low volume on the radio only seemed to make the tension in the car higher.

You two sat on the sandy dunes for what seemed like hours, watching the waves crashing onto the shore. Calum’s head was laying on your lap, your fingers running through his recently grown-out curls that he had been meaning to cut for a couple of weeks now. His eyes had been shut for a while now, his mind-twisting and turning with every wave that crashed in the distance. It almost felt like the seagulls felt his unease because they soon flapped their wings and soared off into the sky as the wind picked up, momentarily floating, stuck in the air before flying off to the unknown.

“I feel like them sometimes.” Calum’s voice rang in your ears, your shoulders relaxing a bit as you realized he hadn’t spoken since you’d gotten into the car with him earlier that day. Your head leaned to one side, your eyes on his as you waited for him to finish his thought.

“Like the birds, I feel like them sometimes.” he sighed and sat up, his shoulder against yours as his eyes searched for something, anything on the horizon but it was all dark grey clouds and tall ocean waves. “Like I’m stuck no matter how hard I try to move and get ahead, I’m just…stuck.” he shrugged, his lower lip caught between his teeth as he took a shaky breath in.

You were silent, your hand had moved from his curls to his back, where it moved up and down in an attempt to soothe him and try to ground him from wherever he was stuck. You waited, trying to match your breathing to his in an effort to calm him, trying to see if he’d let out more of what had been stuck in his brain.

“You could find someone so much better than me, you know? All I do is bring you trouble and drama. It’s not fair to you, they shouldn’t talk about you that way and there’s nothing I can do to stop them.” his voice was quiet, which you were used to but the ocean waves crashing against the shore and the wind made it harder for you to hear him. Harder for you to distinguish his words in between the pain the was mingled into his voice. “Maybe I’m just afraid to admit that I….” the waves crashed harder, the gray sky making his eyes even darker as you tried to listen to him, “It’s always been something that I can’t deal with and I’m afraid…..” the wind was pushing against your eardrums, making you wince but you squeezed Calum’s hand, trying to focus on his lips. “…then I’ll be alone and I can’t do that again.”

You knew about his past relationships, he’d talked about it one night where you were both outside watching the stars. He talked about how he was young and foolish to let himself open up to strangers. How he’d been so naive in letting someone into his heart so easily only to have them stomp on it and leave him broken. You knew that Calum had been wary about letting you in, that he’d been nervous about going out on dates and falling back into the endless cycle of hurt that he’d experienced before.

His last relationship had broken him to almost the point of no return. He’d been so close to devoting himself, to giving his heart and soul to someone for the rest of his life, and then all of a sudden, it was gone. Within a matter of minutes, his life was turned upside down and he was left with an empty house and a broken heart.

“You know that isn’t true.” you finally said, when Calum’s voice had stopped shaking and his hands ran through his hair, the wind making it run wild. “You know that you’re never going to be alone, Calum. You have me, you have the guys, your family, you always have people that are going to love and care for you.” Your hair was slapping against your eyes, making you squint as you squeezed Calum’s shoulder.

Calum sighed heavily, his shoulders slumping as he tried to make sense of your words. His eyes landed back on one of the seagulls that seemed to have stuck around, following the bird as it jumped into the air and trapped itself mid-air, flapping its wings wildly before flying off into the sky.

“You’re meant to find love and be happy Calum. You don’t have to…you don’t have to push me away because you’re scared of what happened last time. You know me, you know I would never do what they did to you.” she nodded, “I’ll still be here as long as you’ll have me. Even when you don’t want me here, I’ll still try and keep you around. You’re my best friend, my soulmate, and I know that’s terrifying to think about but…I love you, I don’t want you to think that I don’t or that I’ll ever stop loving you.”

The wind had gotten too loud, the chill making your nose red and your hands shaking. The ringing in your ears made it hard for you to know if Calum heard you or if your words flew out with the seagulls. It wasn’t long before Calum’s hand found yours and he was up leading you back to the car. Calum’s hand was always warm, no matter the weather or the temperature. His warmth spread through you quickly and by the time you were both in the car, the wind outside was no longer an issue.

Your combined breathing was the only thing besides the wind that could be heard, Calum’s shakier than yours as you both looked out the windshield, waiting for something, anything. You were used to silence with Calum, it was something you found comfort in the moments of silence, but this was different. It was a silence you hadn’t experience before with him, it was tense and made you feel like the storm that was brewing outside.

“Did you really mean that?” he whispered after what seemed like ages, “That I was your soulmate?” he asked, his head turning to face you. His eyes weren’t so dull anymore, they had a hint of hope in them, that maybe he had found someone who loved him as much as he loved them.

“Of course I did. You know that I’m always here, right? That if you ever need someone to talk to, I can be there. I love you, Calum.” you nodded, squeezing his hand gently.

He nodded, looking down at his hand in yours and smiling a bit. The car roared to life and before you knew it, the rain falling against the windshield was background noise to Calum’s hums, bringing life back into the car.

Loving Calum was hard. It was hard because you knew that at any moment it could all disappear and you both would have to pick up your own pieces. It was fear of losing the one person who made you warm on the coldest days and it was fear of not being enough to make him warm too. Loving Calum wasn’t new anymore, it was coming home at the end of a long day and realizing you have someone to hold you and listen to you. It was soft voices and sweet kisses that you would gladly get a toothache from. Loving Calum was kind words and even kinder actions, it was being there for him when he was at his lows and celebrating the highs. But the best part about loving Calum was that he wasn’t going to go anywhere anytime soon, he wasn’t going to leave you to pick up the pieces by yourself, he was there for you and you were there for him. Loving Calum was loving a stormy beach where the wind is so loud that all you could focus on was his hand in yours and how you kept each other safe.


	7. Lovebug

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A moment captured by Ashton leads to an engagement present the Doves had no idea would ever exist. Based on Lovebug by the Jonas Brothers.

It had happened almost by accident, a moment that was meant to be shared by just the two of them. But Ashton found himself in a lot of these moments when it came to Calum and Dovey, in little pockets of time where it seemed like they were both too lost in one another to realize anything else. He’d been early, the first guest to the monthly band family dinner that the Doves had been hosting since moving into their new house a few months back, Dovey claiming that they needed an excuse to use their new kitchen, and what better way than celebrating with the band. He’d walked in through the side door which he knew Calum always kept unlocked since it was closer to his home studio and the guys could just come in and work on songs without ringing the doorbell and having Duke bark up a storm. He had expected to see the two of them procrastinating on making dinner, which was usually the case when it came to band dinner night, but he was instead met by the two of them dancing along to lovebug, a song that reminded Ashton of the Doves in general. He wasn’t even sure why he did it but in an instant, he had his phone out and he was recording the moment, a fond smile on his face as he watched his best friend fall further in love. 

Calum loved family band night, he loved being able to spend time with his brothers and their partners, and he especially loved the part where he got to show Dovey new recipes to cook together. They’d been making a new Italian recipe, the smell of fresh tomatoes and herbs filling the kitchen as they both worked in silence, the only sound around them was of the knife against the chopping board and the music playing from the speaker on the counter. Calum had been lost in cutting up some basil that he almost missed the soft gasp that left Dovey when she heard the familiar guitar notes playing from the speaker. Calum recognized the song almost immediately, knowing that it was one of Dovey’s favorites because as she had told Calum multiple times during their car rides or when cooking, “the Jonas Brothers were the best band ever and no one, not even The Beatles could compare. Well except maybe your band, Cal, but even then, Lovebug is a banger.” Calum never argued with her on that because he knew how special the band was to her and she wasn’t wrong, Lovebug was an absolute banger. 

Calum had set the knife down on the counter and made his way over to Dovey, his arms wrapping around her waist as he sang quietly along to the song. He couldn’t help but smile as he saw the way Dovey’s eyes lit up and her arms wrapped around his shoulders, to pull him in closer. They were both singing to one another, swaying along to the guitar as the world seem to just blur until it was just the two of them swaying and taking each other in. 

It wasn’t long until the song started to speed up and Dovey pulled away from him, a fond look still in her eyes as she squeezed both of his hands in hers. Calum had been admiring her ever since he pulled her into his arms, wishing things could always be this way and the pressure of touring or promoting would go away. He hadn’t told anyone yet, besides Mali who had gone with him to what seemed like every jewelry store in Los Angeles, but there was a box with a ring in it hidden in his office. He’d bought it a month before, his heart racing every time he thought about getting down on one knee to ask Dovey to spend the rest of their lives together, to become one. He’d been trying to plan the perfect time to ask her, to make it a day she wouldn’t forget but it just seemed like life kept getting in the way and Calum kept getting whisked off to a different city for a performance. He’d been planning on taking her next time he was pushed onto an airplane and just ask her in the most romantic spot he could find but-

“Now I’m! YEEEEAAAAHOW!" 

Calum’s thoughts were once again interrupted by Dovey, who had seemed to take her performance of the song from dancing with Calum to a full-on air guitar performance while she bounced around him. Calum’s laugh echoed through the kitchen as he watched the love of his life rock out to a Jonas Brothers’ song while they were meant to be making dinner. He couldn’t help but join in on the fun, whipping his head back and forth as he joined Dovey in playing out the guitar riff as he sang along, knowing that Dovey was the one for him and that he was going to be marrying her one day. 

Ashton, who had been staring at the couple and recording them, stifled his laughter and shook his head as he watched them both dance along to the song. He slipped out of the hallway, making his way back to the side yard as the two lovebirds were left panting and in a fit of giggles from their performance. After looking back at the video, he opened up his messages with Calum and was about to hit send when Calum walked out of the house and called his name, the message is long forgotten as he saw Calum struggling to juggle a bag of recycling and a very excited Duke on a leash. 

Ashton had gotten a call a few weeks later, Calum speaking way too fast for him to understand and sounding like he had just run a marathon. After telling him to calm down and take a deep breath, Ashton couldn’t help but chuckle as he heard the good news about an engagement and Calum asking him to be his best man. Without hesitation, Ashton agreed and congratulated the couple as he switched the call to Facetime, grinning as he saw the Doves with flushed cheeks and teary eyes. With promises of a celebration of their engagement and another round of congratulations, Ashton hung up the phone before Dovey could start crying again and started planning a time where everyone could get together. 

It had started off as a group chat, late one night when Ashton’s worries about not getting a present for the Doves’ engagement party had him scrolling through homeware websites until all he could think about was Dutch ovens and air fryers. He’d sent out a message to everyone he could think of that had had the honor of spending time with the two weirdos known as the Doves, it was a simple request really, one he knew he’d get plenty of replies from.

"Can you guys send me any videos you have from the Doves?”

It wasn’t long before he and Andy were looking through all the videos Ashton had received and sorted through the best clips. After a few hours filled with both of them laughing at how perfect Calum and Dovey were for one another, Ashton’s present was complete and ready for the Doves to see. 

Calum had been obsessed with holding Dovey’s hand ever since she had started wearing her engagement ring, running his hand over the thing gold band every time he had the chance to. Whenever they were out running errands or hanging out with their friends, his hand would be tightly grasped in hers, his eyes looking down at the ring every once in a while to admire it. Even as Calum drove them to the address that Ashton had texted them at the beginning of the week, with promises of free booze and a celebration of their big news, Calum couldn’t help but glance at the ring that was adorning Dovey’s hand. 

The party had been filled with lots of congrats from the Doves’ friends and family who had all found themselves in a courtyard hidden in the middle of the wine country where flowers decorate the walls and love flowed throughout. It was filled with delicious food and a lot of champagne, not that anyone was complaining too much. But it wasn’t until Dovey and Calum found themselves in the middle of everyone facing a projector screen that Ashton had been setting up for the past few minutes with Andy that everyone had settled in their seats and waited with anticipation. Calum looked around the crowd, confusion clear in his eyes as he tried to figure out why everyone was watching them both him and Dovey. 

“So as we all know, we’re here to celebrate the fact that these two lovebirds have finally decided to tie the knot!” Ashton grinned as he clapped his hands and chuckled when everyone followed him. “And to celebrate that, our good friend Andy and I have decided to make a video, with the help of many of you here today, to show exactly why these two lovebirds were meant to meet." 

Calum’s head cocked to the side as he listened to his best man speak, his eyebrow-raising as the projector screen switched from plain white into a picture of him and Dovey with a kangaroo when they had visited Calum’s family back home and taken a trip to the zoo. As the picture faded, Calum heard Dovey’s laugh playing out from the speaker near the projector, a video of her and Calum from one of the many game nights they’d attended playing out. 

As the rest of the video played out, Calum’s laugh joined Dovey as the scene switched and a video of both of them at the latest album release dancing along to Wildflower. Different moments in time showed the way Calum and Dovey’s relationship seemed to be something more than either of them realized, something more than just two people who loved each other. It was moments where Dovey was laughing over Calum spotted her from the stage and they both waved at one another, moments where they were both asleep on a couch while their friends argued over the rules of a game, moments where they seemed too lost in one another to even notice anyone recording them. 

Calum glanced over to Dovey, who had been watching the video while squeezing his hand every time she laughed, she had a soft look on her face, one she rarely ever showed to anyone except for Calum when sleep was so tempting but she wanted to stay up and talk the night away. Her eyes were focused on the video that was playing in front of them, too lost in reliving those moments where she thought that no one had been watching nevertheless recording. It wasn’t until Calum heard the familiar notes to a song that Dovey loved that he saw the tears forming in her eyes. His own eyes moved back to the screen, watching that moment from weeks ago in their kitchen where they had danced along to a Jonas Brothers’ song and had gotten lost in each other, never realizing that Ashton had been recording them. 

It was the moment when Calum had realized that he had needed to ask her to marry him as soon as he could, it was the day where after everyone had left Calum had booked them a trip away where the two of them could take each other in and where no one could stop him from asking her what had been on his mind for a while now. It was all in front of him and Calum felt the breath sucked out of him as he once again was hit with the realization that Dovey, who would have dance parties with him in the kitchen and then proceed to fight with him over the fact that celery was not a delicious treat, was his soulmate and there was no way he was ever going to let go of her, the ring on her finger shining almost as bright as their smiles as the video ended with the one and only, Lovebug.


End file.
